It is always fun to get a new gadget – if you can figure it out.

Must be a guy thing, but marveling at new technology and how wireless things work is still a fascinating thing for me.

Of course, it isn’t always a pleasant experience. One time my wife bought me a really cool watch that you can take underwater and it even has a timer so I could pace myself while biking.

Unfortunately it couldn’t prevent me from taking a few spills on my mountain bike, yet it also had so many features that I quickly became overwhelmed.

When the instruction manual is 15 times thicker than the watch itself, you know you’re in trouble.

I was able to set the time, and I managed to figure out the “timer” function, but that was about it. If you really needed to find out what time it is in Moscow right now, you’d have to check with another gadget guy.

One more guy thing – yeah, new gadgets are really cool, but it definitely is not cool to have to whip out the instruction manual for every little thing. You should just be able to press a couple of buttons and be done with it, correct? I should be ashamed, but I would probably rather mess something up beyond repair than have to resort to checking the instruction manual.

And besides, have you ever really tried reading an instruction manual? My goodness, they must have been written by former newspaper editors…

I bring this up because last week we had a new ceiling fan installed in our master bedroom. The old one simply stopped working and funny burning-type smells were coming from the motor, so I really didn’t want to mess with it anymore.

Our new fan has a remote control – cool! I’ve never had a ceiling fan with a remote control before. Perhaps I’m dating myself and how long I’ve been in my house, but all my other ceilings have those old-fashioned pull chains. Why, those must be hanging around yet from the 1870s or so…

So I can actually become even lazier and simply lie in bed and work the fan remote. Do you want more reading light, Amor? OK, let me just press this button right here. Oh, you’re too cold and want to turn the fan down? Don’t worry, I’m in charge and I’ll take care of you.

I’m a considerate genius!

And it doesn’t require me jumping up every 10 seconds to yank on a chain.

Although it’s a good thing the remote is relatively simple. “Low, Medium and High” for the fan blades. A “Reverse” button for fan direction. And one light button that actually controls two sets of lights (with a dimmer function!).

I am in remote heaven, yet I will never catch up to the 21st century.

I have three remotes alone in the bedroom – the TV, the DVD player and now the famous fan.

How many other remotes are there around the house? Heck, we even have a little remote stuck to the refrigerator for the radio/CD player under the cabinet. The big stereo has one. The other stereo has one. The camcorder has one. The digital photograph frame has a remote.

Yikes!

I might have to invest $25,000 to get a universal remote that will totally manage my life. Make the coffee. Start the shower. Do my typing. Pick up dog poop.

Well, OK, that would probably require a robot or something out of The Jetsons.

Hey kids, did you know ol’ dad grew up with a black and white TV that had four free stations and a button you had to get up and turn for the channel you wanted?

C’mon dad, quit telling fibs. Hand over the remote and order that pay-per-view movie…